7 ways to connect with a young person

Below are 7 relational lenses through the eyes of a young person, honed from my 25 years as a therapist, social worker, and policy maker. My experiences, ranging from working in child welfare in New York City, post-conflict recovery in Liberia, and Afghan refugee assistance in Pakistan, taught me a crucial lesson: every interaction with a young person, regardless of its length, offers a pathway to connection and healing.

From the perspective of a young person:

1) CARE ABOUT ME - Show me that I matter to you.

Be dependable, respectful, and honest—even about uncertainties. Communicate clearly and inform me of risks so I can make informed decisions.

2) LISTEN TO ME - Really pay attention when we are together.

Remain fully present and attentive, validating my experiences and emotions. Aim to understand, connect with, and learn from me.

3) BE WARM WITH ME - Show me you enjoy being with me.

Consistently encourage, support, and praise me. Be patient and follow my lead on how to connect.

4) SUPPORT ME - Help me complete tasks and achieve goals.

Help me plan. Set clear boundaries, advocate for me, guide me through challenges, and believe in me.

5) CHALLENGE ME TO GROW - Push me to keep getting better.

Encourage me to fulfill my potential and push beyond my comfort zone. Hold me accountable and help me learn from my successes and failures.

6) EXPAND MY POSSIBILITIES - Connect me with people and experiences that broaden my world.

Enrich my perspective. Introduce me to new ideas, places, experiences, and mentors.

7) SHARE POWER WITH ME - Respect and empower me.

Involve me in decisions, collaborate on solutions, allow me to lead, and honor my narrative and choices. Let me tell my story the way I want to share my story. Recognize and value my contributions.

** An earlier version of this post was published in Humanitarian Development Partnerships. These lenses are adapted from the Search Institute’s Developmental Relationships Framework and informed by my recent collaborative work with the U.S. Government’s Unaccompanied Children’s Program in the Office of Refugee Resettlement. To learn more about my work, visit yau.guru **